Today’s post is about assumptions, but it is interesting that the prompt jumps to incorrect assumptions. Shared assumptions are a foundation of a functioning society. For example, most successful drivers assume that most fellow drivers on the road will follow the traffic rules, and move away from cars that seem to be having a hard time doing so for safety reasons. We all rely on a lot of assumptions to get through a day. They are the things we can take for granted, do on autopilot, and suppose will just work the way we expect.
Typically violated assumptions result in interest, because we are checking to see if we need to update our mental models of the world. For example, in the area of Germany where I live, people frequently assume that I’m Belgian or maybe Dutch when I struggle with the language. That’s because I could literally bike to those countries from here. When I tell them I am American, usually there is interest in what I am doing here and so on. If the people we are interacting with file their error in judgement as an exception or update their heuristics, everything works well.
Assumptions only become limiting or dangerous when we both do not fit the norm and it is not easy to update someone else’s assumptions or it has some sort of cost to do so. For example, if the person I am talking to either loves or hates Americans, things can get weird if I don’t further follow their idea about this thing they abstractly love or hate. While almost everyone has many properties that are close to average (stereotypes come from somewhere), almost no one follows all averages or stereotypes exactly, because we are all our own collection of traits and experiences. We also use our own assumptions and the assumptions of others to fashion together our identity.
In my experience, the more we are completely ourselves and transparent about it, the more space we make for others to also be authentic. Exploring my own assumptions has given me way more benefit than worrying about what other people are thinking about me. On the other hand, being able to effectively influence others relies on understanding their assumptions and manipulating them. Maybe I would be better off with a better understanding of when others are making incorrect assumptions and fixing them or using them to my advantage.
So tell me, how do you identify incorrect assumptions about you? What do you do in that situation?
